I came to a conclusion today, that perhaps I have spent the better part of my life preparing to react. Rather than thinking before I speak, I react. I think we all do it.
We always prepare ourselves to have a reaction or a comment ready before a question is asked. Sometimes it is because we believe so strongly in what we feel. Sometimes, we might feel argumentative, defensive about our beliefs. Whatever it is we spend too much time doing it.
Today I was one the receiving end of this and the feeling was different. For the first time in my life, I had nothing prepared. I had not been prepared for a battle of thoughts or words. And to be honest it knocked me off my seat.
So now I have to decide if I am ok with that feeling. I don't like to argue. I don't even like to disagree with anyone. But in the whole scheme of things, I am really really tired of my mind constantly on the move preparing for someone else's move. Maybe I need to sit back and see how things roll in my life rather than always having a back-up plan. I am not sure it wouldn't be a good thing with a lot less stress. Let's see how this goes.